i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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