If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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