and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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