My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
