Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
