you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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