my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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