Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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