i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
