You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
