there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
