Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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