porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
