He kissed a someone with a penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
