I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
soo... how was my night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
