oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
