i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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