I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
