oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
