You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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