In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
