i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
