Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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