New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
