i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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