I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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