Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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