I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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