Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
