I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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