I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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