She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
