I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
