i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
