i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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