God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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