She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
then he tried to convert me to islam
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
