is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
