I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
