I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
