Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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