we have officially lost it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Still dying that you shit outside
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
