he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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