i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
