It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
