apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
