you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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