Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
