Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
