Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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